Anxiety at Work: Managing Your Boss

Q. How do you manage the prototypical “difficult boss?”

A. Successfully managing a difficult boss is a challenge but often
feasible. First, you should try to understand the reasons for your
boss’ difficult behavior. Assuming your boss generally behaves in a
fairly reasonable manner, and that his/her difficult behavior seems
to
be a result of stress overload rather than his/her character, chances
are good that the behavior can be modified. If your boss’ behavior
seems to reflect a chronically hostile, abusive style of interacting
regardless of the amount of stress in the worksite, the chances are
less positive that the behavior can change. In fact, you may want to
consider seeking counsel from a trusted mentor or human resources
professional to evaluate your options. Second, you have to manage
your
own negative emotions regarding his/her behavior so that you do not
engage in self-defeating behavior (e.g. stonewalling, or counter-
attacking your boss).Third, once you understand and have managed your
own negative reactions, you may work to communicate your issues/
concerns — but framed in a helpful positive manner — creating an
atmosphere for problem resolution.

Q. If you feel you’ve been criticized unfairly by your boss, what’s
the best way to confront the boss with your concerns?

A. You should discuss your concerns — not confront your boss. There
is a difference. You need to carry out the discussion of your
concerns
in a non-adversarial way. Like a marriage, you should try to handle
your complaints in a manner that does not do further damage to your
relationship.

Q. What’s the best way to respond to criticism from your boss?

A. Try to see the criticism as valuable information about how to do
better, not as a personal attack. Try to separate your personal ego
from your business persona. Try hard to control your impulses to
react
emotionally or defensively. Try to see the criticism as an
opportunity
to work together with your boss on a development plan. See yourself
as
a partner with your boss on this plan, rather than on seeing yourself
as a victim of a power struggle.

Q. How can empowering employees help lessen stress agents in the
workplace?

A.When employees feel less like “victims of circumstances out of
their
control,” they feel more empowered. Employees who are given candid
timely and consistent communications from management about the status
of their careers, as well as more responsibility to directly manage
their careers and their work relationships, they tend to be less
anxious and more highly motivated. Although few employees believe
that
job security is a guarantee anymore, employees who are empowered with
ore information and responsibility over their future, tend as a
whole,
to cope more effectively — because they feel less powerless.

Q. Sometimes employees are hesitant to speak to their boss about
criticism. Is there a way to overcome that fear or retribution?

A. The chances that your fear of retribution will turn into reality
will be significantly reduced to the degree that you can discuss
criticism with your boss in a reasonable non-emotional, non-defensive
manner. You can avoid setting up your boss to be angry at you and
therefore risk retribution by careful planning and diplomatic
communication.

Q. What’s the best way to deal with stress in the workplace?

A. Stress is always in the eye of the beholder. What may cause one
employee stress in the workplace, may not even cause a ripple of
concern to another. The key to dealing with stress is knowing the
specific stresses on the work environment that you are particularly
sensitive to and the warning signs in your own body and mind that
signal stress overload. Once you have identified your vulnerability,
you can create on-going stress management strategies to cope with the
issues.

If you feel unable to manage this process yourself, or feel
overwhelmed, it may be a good idea to consult an objective
professional, such as a psychologist. Your collaboration with a
professional may go a long way in making you feel more empowered to
manage the stresses.

Marilyn Puder-York, Ph.D., answers your questions. Dr. Puder-York is
a clinical psychologist in New York who specializes in workplace
stress issues.Copyright � 1997 American Psychological Association